Slimming Session

Just the other day, Pearlene had a free spa slimming session for two (I can't remember the name of the place). Let me emphasize: I have been to many spa places that offer massages but not any slimming ones. Well, this virgin slimming session was torturous and arduous. I guess it would be my last, unless I turn into this really huge fat bozo. Currently, I prefer to stick to the usual "eat healthy, exercise regularly routine" (I hope..).

I was brought to this room which was partitioned into half. The other side laid this middle aged lady enjoying a facial massage. I was told to take off my clothes while this lady asked me politely "What are the areas are you targetting?"

"Targetting?"

"Yeah. What are the areas that you want to reduce fats in?"

"Hmm...tummy and thighs?"

"Okay." Quickly, she took out a measuring tape and started penning down the measurements of these supposed troubled areas.

"Lie down."

I felt like a guinea pig, a random sacrifice. This is not fun at all. She started placing electrodes (I am not sure what to term them) on my body and I had wires all around me.

"What are you doing?"

"Well, this will help break down the cellulites in your affected areas."

"Huh? How are you going to do that?" I was getting nervous. Images of myself getting small electric shocks frightened me.

"The stuff will send waves and break them down."

Shit...What the hell did I get myself into.

"Don't worry. We will start weakly and increase in intervals of 5 minutes."

What does weak means? It's all subjective.

Before I said anything, she began her "experiment'. I felt tingly sensations. It was as if a small hammer was throbbing in my blood stream. Shucks. I had to endure this for 5 minutes before a worse treatment came along. A twenty minute treatment felt like hours. In the midst, she increased the throbbing much harder and stronger. I had to withstand a SNORING neighbour as well. All was not over. The lady brought with her some cream. I squealed when she applied it on me. It was ICY COLD. Then, she wrapped my whole body with plastic wrap, like a mummy.

"You have to be in the steam room for 10 minutes before you shower."

Oh man! A steam room. I trudged my way carefully through the corridors as the tight plastic wrapping restricted my movements. I must have looked ludicrous. As I was about to enter the steam room, the mummified Pearlene came out.

"It's hot in there. I can't take it."

To cut the story short, I had just gone on a perilous journey, from the icy Himalayas to the sweltering hot Gobi desert, coupled with throbbing snake bites and droning snores of the gigantic bees that live in the Amazon forests. Very interesting journey, one not to be taken lightly.